Internal Monologue
Dear God,
The loud boom of one man's mouth can make heart beats slow and hands to feel lifeless. It's not my first time in this room, I don't suppose it to be the last. It's fascinating to watch a crowd get high off the idea of you. In this moment they are nothing but art to my questioning mind.They have separated themselves from the reality we once shared. They are far away from me. You are far away from me. I listen to the words they speak. Full of heavily soaked love that could mop this whole church. I've heard that you have spoke to all of them, in the moments when life is a toxic blend of what I have been told is sin. They say you love me. They say you will never let me go. I have to ask when you had me? The moment when I was floating along the ceiling or the moment I came down question what was really going on? I was force fed the idea of you. On a spoon was your name and the idea that I needed to be saved. I’ve been in the desert with no water. The tundra with no clothes. How did I make it through those times without even knowing your existence. Why is my mother still suffering in a sunken bed with sheets that cover the scars she thought praying would make disappear. There still there. That's what I was taught. Not your love for your kindness. Only your failures. The moment when the sting of bloody knees and elbows make praying much too difficult. Maybe I’m a little bias, but you have to understand. I found my own serenity before I was told that you are my only peace. I was my own God before I was told you controlled me. So I will sit here and look at the people drunk off of you, but I will not indulge in something I don’t believe in. Your Holy grasp was nothing, but a gentle touch. I saved myself.
Love, Abby
Voice Recording.
The loud boom of one man's mouth can make heart beats slow and hands to feel lifeless. It's not my first time in this room, I don't suppose it to be the last. It's fascinating to watch a crowd get high off the idea of you. In this moment they are nothing but art to my questioning mind.They have separated themselves from the reality we once shared. They are far away from me. You are far away from me. I listen to the words they speak. Full of heavily soaked love that could mop this whole church. I've heard that you have spoke to all of them, in the moments when life is a toxic blend of what I have been told is sin. They say you love me. They say you will never let me go. I have to ask when you had me? The moment when I was floating along the ceiling or the moment I came down question what was really going on? I was force fed the idea of you. On a spoon was your name and the idea that I needed to be saved. I’ve been in the desert with no water. The tundra with no clothes. How did I make it through those times without even knowing your existence. Why is my mother still suffering in a sunken bed with sheets that cover the scars she thought praying would make disappear. There still there. That's what I was taught. Not your love for your kindness. Only your failures. The moment when the sting of bloody knees and elbows make praying much too difficult. Maybe I’m a little bias, but you have to understand. I found my own serenity before I was told that you are my only peace. I was my own God before I was told you controlled me. So I will sit here and look at the people drunk off of you, but I will not indulge in something I don’t believe in. Your Holy grasp was nothing, but a gentle touch. I saved myself.
Love, Abby
Voice Recording.
Reflection
This project has taught me that monologues are long speeches that can have a lot of passion when in action. The theme I used on my monologue is moral conflict. The areas that moral conflict is found in the book is when Macbeth is deciding whether he should kill to gain or if he should continue as he was. The emotion I really went over was the feeling of not know what to do and how to approach that. I did this by talking about my experience with not knowing what religion I believed in and how it was okay that I didn't choose. I do think that my monologue flows really well. I went through a lot of drafts trying to get to get my points clear. I think that I wasn't as productive as I could be. I would get distracted by my peers and completely space on completing. I did learn how to work when there is noise and distraction. Also how to separate myself if it's to much.